Vampires and Virgins

I’ve come to take your blood! she said in her thick Puerto Rican accent purposefully laced with a Transylvania twist.

It had been so quiet up til then that the sound of her vibrancy shocked my ears.

Dressed in bright yellow with bold, hooped earrings swinging from her ears, she smiled a broad and oh so welcoming smile from lips of painted red. And when I say red, I mean Blood red.

Stretching purple latex gloves over her hands, she introduced herself. Maria. But not just Maria…Vampiress Maria.

She came for her daily bread.

I watched as she tied my son’s arm with rubber tubing, drew it tight, and examined closely through sparkly reading glasses hoping to find the perfect vein. Every day they would draw his blood and send it to be tested. And every day it was a real chore.  His veins were not handing it over well, and it often took several attempts.  In fact, by several different people. Often two at a time. It became so painful for me to watch…all that prodding and poking.

Maria was the newest reinforcement.

As she worked, she chatted away, her accent so thick that I strained to make out most words.  But her animation provided all the interpretation I needed.

Sticking with her vampire theme, she began asking me if I was a fan of trendy vampire literature.

No.  Not for me.

And aye, yai, yai!  Television shows these days!  Have you seen True Blood?

Well, no, I haven’t.

She began briefly filling me in on the story line and that, in fact, I was not missing anything. Though she secretly loved the series and was now a real addict. Couldn’t take her eyes off if it.  Had to watch it. Couldn’t help it.

It had sucked her in.

And do you KNOW……….???  (I could tell she was working up to something)

That there is a character who never looses her virginity every time she…you know…has sex?!?

She was not waiting for my response.

Every time is like the first.  Every time.  I mean!  Once is enough, isn’t it? Aye, yai, yai….

But this is a man’s world and it makes for a great story.  Yes?

With that she held up a small vial half filled with my son’s blood. His precious, precious life giving blood.

Works EVERY time!  She triumphed with a wink and a laugh. Satisfied with her draw.

Removing the needle and strap from his arm, she snapped off her purple gloves.  And with the same thick accent laced with a Transylvania twist proclaimed…

And THAT’S why they call me Vampiress.

Vampiress Maria!

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