The Road Ahead

It’s time to get on the road again.

Yes, it is.  Time to sit in the driver’s seat, put the car in drive, and set out on the highway of this life.

See where the road takes me.

I pray my car doesn’t stall.  Because if it does, I just might change my mind.  Put it in park as I sit and try to tell myself that it’s fine to shut down.  Hold off on this trip.  Stay right where you are, I’ll say.  Sit here.  Sit for a while.

You don’t have to go anywhere.

That’s what I’ve told myself for a few years now, shifted in neutral…idling here.  Going nowhere.

Let me tell you…I don’t know how long I’ve been here.  I’ve been looking out the front windshield sort of stymied.  Stunned.

On the outside, it’s been raining real hard.  Pouring most days.  Wipers barely sweeping the downpour away.  Lightening and thunder crashing all around.  Wind rocking this car from side to side.  Putting me into a stupor, lulling me to sleep.

Keeping me stuck in the mud.

Oh, there are days when I can see a little of the road up ahead.  Maybe a feet or two.  Or even beyond the bend of it.  Those kind of days are more frequent now.  The rain is starting to let up some.

Drive! I’m told.  That’s what you have to do, they say.  Simply drive.  Move on ahead.

What they don’t understand is that I don’t really have anywhere to go.  I don’t know where to go.

You see, there is no specific address to punch into that GPS.  Your map looks to me like winding, tangled up strands of rope winding round and round and round in frightening highways, and roads with no names, and unfamiliar streets, and alleys with no way out.  All of them waiting to bind me up and choke me til I die.

It’s safer parked here.

I am proud of myself for this, though.  I put the key into the ignition…giving it that half turn click it takes to start up the engine. I can feel the vibration of it.  Hear the sputter, purr, and hum.  Feeling the wheels move forward as I take my foot off the brake a little.

Just a little.

I guess I will take my chance now.

Head out on the road again.

Blindly wander into places unknown.

 

 

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