Netflix Numb and YouTube Trance

How does one find reprieve? What can be done when the mind won’t stop, and the feelings of intense grief continues to rise and crash to the surface and threaten to rub its concentrated saltiness into already stripped and peeled off skin? What can be done to redirect those thoughts and feelings or simply stall […]

Year of Firsts

I have survived. I’ve stumbled through them all.  And I’m still here. It’s now been over an entire year since my son died.  A year since he was buried. The very minute after his death and burial commenced some sort of advent pointing toward the One Year Anniversary. I didn’t quite understand the enormity of […]

No Place Like Home

During the first fuzzy and surreal weeks home — when all was quieting down and everything began settling over me — one by one letters started showing up in my mailbox. Important looking letters in formal envelopes imprinted with Army insignia up on the left hand side near the return.  My name and address typed […]


I’ve heard it said that the days are long but the years are fleeting. As if I never knew that before.  I always thought I understood that, but now I know that I know. Yes. This is true. Today is the One Year mark of my son’s death. It’s gripping to me that exactly one […]


Day by day, it became clear to me that something was settling heavy over me. Little by little, the reality was trying to creep in, at first swirling around my feet, trying to trip me up. Trying to pull me down and make me fall on my face. I was surprised at how all of […]


There were so many ordinary things to do. Day to day things.  Housekeeping stuff. A month away will make you aware of how much is accomplished in a days time.  How all of the picking up and the doing of laundry and the dishes and the million and one things get done without realizing that […]

Home Again, Home Again

Jiggity-jig. Opening the door to home was filled with mixed and jumbled up feelings. It wasn’t like I had been on vacation the entire month of June and reluctant to come home.  It wasn’t as if I was I was rested and content with a suitcase full of souvenirs and happy memories. I wasn’t sure […]

A River Runs Halfway Through

As we drove those long, long miles toward home all I could do was look out the window and stare at the outside world. Although I knew it was all standing still like it faithfully has since forever, I still felt like it was spinning. Or more like I was being catapulted. I was now […]